Saturday, August 17, 2002

In a nutshell, the saga of the Richmond Diocese continues. Wally Sullivan's an honery old fart when you piss him off. I got to hang out with him before we left for Canada. We had a small shindig with the other WYD pilgrims, and I had to come late because I was working. I came in scrubs and he noticed and asked me what I did. He gave me his trademark catchphrase, "Oh Wonderful." He's been bishop since I was a little little kid, like in first grade. I gotta give the man props because he wouldn't let teenagers come to WYD because he said they were too much liability. Everyone in our diocese had to be at least 18.

I just ordered a book online, Knits for Barbie Doll. It's a limited edition how-to knitting book featuring all sorts of dud for The Barb. I'm stoked about the idea of knitting up fabulous pint-sized garments, but the only problem is, I don't own a Barbie now. When I was a kid, I had a bunch of em, but my favorite was my Country Western Barbie. She rocked. She had a while silk jumpsuit, one piece, with black fringe, long blonde hair that went down past her ass, and the kicker was, she had her own stamp that said, naturally, "BARBIE" in cursive with a heart for the dot in the "i" as well as a button on her back that you could push and she would wink at you. She drove around in the Barbiemobile, and lived in the dreamhouse mostly, but when she got vacation time she went to her Barbie Beach Bungalow and sat beside her king sized kidney shaped Barbie Swimming Pool watching Ken perform maitenance on it. C.W. Barbie couldn't commit to a relationship, so she strung poor Codependent Ken around and got him to do stuff for her. Unfortunately, Ken met a terrible fate one afternoon when I left him outside after he carried the picnic basket for Barbie and her friends as they went on a picnic. Courtesy of my dog Skippy, he lost an arm and half his face. Good thing he was anatomically incorrect or else he would have lost a lot more. Barbie ended up sleeping with my sister's Happy Family (you know, the mom, the dad, the two kids, and the "special dress" that could make Mommy look like she got another bun in the oven) Daddy Doll. Unfortunately his wife was pregnant at the time, so she cleaned up in the divorce settlement. C.W. had to be sent away, mostly because my sister threw a major tantrum about me taking her Daddy Doll (what a brat) and my mom didn't want us to be known as That Family that Lives in That House of Ill Doll Repute. At least, that's MY version of what happened. My mom says the Barb was in the attic for umpteen years before she ended up being sold at our yard sale when I was 12. Gosh those were the good olde days.

So now I think I have to go get a new Barbie. I am off on Monday and Tuesday. That should give me plenty of time to seek out the Barb Bonanza at Toys 'R Us. I am hoping the Barbs of today will be able to live up to the standards set by her foresisters. Of course I am certain I will not be able to find one as cool as C.W., but I will try my darndest.

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