Saturday, January 31, 2004

ALthough I hate frat boys, I love Eagle Scouts. I mean, literally, I love Eagle Scouts; right now, mainly I just love one.

In my life, I have seriously dated two Eagle scouts. I have found them to be upstanding, honest, loyal, non-conflicted guys. They are easy boyfriends, self-sufficient, handy in emergencies. You can always count on them to have a pocketknife with a nail file handy. Chances are, they've attained Eagle status through persistance and determination, doing a outdoorsy, service project to benefit some aspect of the population. Big built little benches so that people could enjoy the garden at his church.

Also, it's the uniform. Chicks love a dude in uniform.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

This is why I am glad I broke up with my ex. Frat boys are nasty sucky balls of monkey c-m. Anyone who hurts a puppy in the name of frat sport is a worthless piece of trash who should be castrated with a meat grinder. Any frat boys can send your hate mail to FiFi and kiss my fat arse.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Started knitting again after a long hiatus...I am working on a sweater for myself.

A little white dog is snuggled next to me as I relax. The Love of My Life sits nearby reading a hardback edition of Harry Potter. Although it's freezing and icy outside, our little world is cozy and warm. On the television- a documentary on The Elephant Man.

Very nice.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Oscars: Really glad to see Finding Nemo, Pirates, Master and Commander, and LOTR: Return of The King all made the list. Kudos to Johnny D. for his best actor nod.

Snow is really nice...when you don't have to go out in it. Otherwise, it is a great white bastard.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Went to Mass last night for the first time since the whole Father John thing. I went to Mass at St. Bridgets, my parent's church. The church I grew up in. It wasn't too bad. I could look forward to St. Bridget's every week. I no longer really feel edgy or anxious. Last night was the first night in a long time I've actually felt moved during a Mass. I realize that St. Mikes made me look at Mass as an enjoyable experience. Now I can basically go anywhere and feel good spiritually. St. Bridget's also has some nice activities coming up.

Also, I am currently engrossed in Beverly Donofrio's book Looking For Mary, in which she, a lapsed Catholic, travels to a small town in the former Yugoslavia where the Virgin Mary has appeared to believers. It's mainly about someone finding their faith, which is what I need to do right now. Also, I want to start journaling again.

Monday, January 19, 2004

I've become convinced that there are three main divisions of my life: personal, professional, spiritual. I've also become convinced that as soon as one or two are in sync, the third turns to shite.

I am speaking mainly about my spiritual life. Up until now, for the past 3 years, life between me and The Big Guy Upstairs was great. I had a great church I could get involved in, and a spiritual guide in Father John Leonard that was superior, in that, he knew all my dirty secrets yet still never judged me.

This week, that was taken away. For reasons I am still very confused over, Father John retired from active priestly ministry, following two guilty pleas of misdemeanor child sexual abuse and being placed on administrative leave by the acting Cardinal.

As far as I am concerned, I stand by Father John as a friend, regardless of guilt or innocence. I still believe that he is a good person, a Holy and wise man, but also human. I think that the actions of the Cardinal are appropriate and justified. I think it's the end to a very painful time for many people.

For the past few days, I've felt adrift. I've almost always used church to ground me. Not having it to look forward to anymore has made me feel anxious, edgy. I'm not ashamed to say that the only reason I went to St. Mikes was because of Fr John. Now, it's simply become The Church My Ex Fiancee Goes To. So I've decided to move on. I'm probably going back to my parent's church, St. Bridgets, for now. And I'm trying to remain optimistic in that this may lead to a profound spiritual quest that will make me a wiser woman.

I hope it works out.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I really needed this nice, quiet weekend. It's been really wonderful. I use my weekends to escape the drama that I face during the week. I've got 2 or 3 patients that aren't doing well, so that has been stressing me out. I am hoping that the weekend girl on-call will be okay. It hasn't helped the stress level that in the 31 days in December, we lost over 34 patients. We'd admit them, they would die. December is usually a horrible month for hospice anyway, but we took a beating with our census. Luckly, we've all worked our asses off and gotten our census back up to 42 in a couple of weeks, which is a record number for us. Our bosses are stoked, and our regional consultant called the president of the company to express a pat on the back. Pretty soon, as our census passes 50, we'll be able to hire more people, including a Professional Care Coordinator (PCC) to help Leslie out. I've been worried about her, since she's pregnant, and doing all of this work. Also, another nurse to case manage and to help with admissions never hurts either.

So I really needed to relax this weekend, and so far, it's been awesome. On Friday night, we took Heath out to Chili's to help him forget about his car accident/near death experience (I'm being overdramatic). Saturday Big and I took Fee back to Brandermill to hang out at his house while he did some design work. FiFi and I watched Beyond The Mat, which is a pro-wrestling documentary. It was good. Saturday night Big and I supped at Ruby Tuesday's. It was a nice feeling, and I remember humming along to the silly 80s restaurant soundtrack in between multiple trips to the salad bar. Then we went back to my place and watched an A&E special about Lobster Boy, a freak show star who was murdered by his battered wife and child. Today we are vegging out at my place. FiFi is cuddled next to me as I type this. Big is sitting in my arm chair eating his second bowl of Count Chocula, while Hannah and Her Sisters plays on one of the satellite movie channels. It's incredibly cozy and peaceful here. Time for me to have some cereal.


Sunday, January 04, 2004

Thanks in part to my weekend buddies, the SARS twins, I am now sniffling and my throat is scratchy.

But all in all, it was a pleasant day. Big, FiFi and I took down our Christmas tree, then went hiking at Pocahontas State Park, when I felt the ache in my throat. We got dinner at Moe's and then decided to go back to my place and lock the world out.

Despite all the drama that went down this weekend, the one good thing that happened is that I was reminded how much I love being with Big. I find him helpful, sweet, devoted. I love the way he smiles at me. He's really good with Fee. It feels complete with him and FiFi with me. We're like a little family, and I love that a lot.

I'd like to amend my last post:


Exercise at least 3 times a week

Lavish much more attention onto FiFi

Be more peaceful, and help my friends as much as possible to obtain peace in their own lives.

Also, a shout out to a special friend, who became more special over the last few days. We're here for you always. :)

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Happy New Year!


Exercise at least 3 times a week.

Lavish much more attention onto FiFi.

Be more peaceful.


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