Sunday, January 26, 2003
Lisa Marie Presley, the former Mrs. Nicolas Cage, once got so insensed at her ex-husband that she tossed her $60,000 engagement ring off the bow of the couple's yacht while they were having a sail. Nick had divers try to locate it, but to no avail.
When I first heard this story, I thought to myself, "Gee, maybe she's just a tad irrational."
Now, I am not so sure.
Don't get me wrong, I would like to think that I would never toss my oh-so-not-sixty-grand engagement ring off into the deep blue. I've grown quite fond of it, even gave it a nickname- The Princess. But, gosh dern it, I can understand now, WHY she did it.
When men and women get engaged, they change. They change pronouns- "I" and "me" become "us" and "we." Suddenly, it's almost an obligation to hang out together. You've become the two-for-one deal on Amazon.com. I was pretty sure though, that I, a somewhat strong, independent woman, would resist that temptation. The Better Half and I would be grown-ups. We would be able to maintain that delicate yet crucial balance between our lives together and our independent lives. We'd be a couple Dr. Phil would wish he'd worked on so he could make some moolah off our success story.
So why the hell am I so pissy right now? It's been about three days since I've seen him. I don't have a key to his place, so I have not been able to go and do my laundry, which includes my work uniforms, which I need for starting tomorrow. Also, I have not had any access to Chessie. I wonder if she's been fed for three days. Also, he told me he would either call or stop by, and probably wouldn't spend the entire weekend at the retreat. This morning, I got a call from one of his coworkers, whose daughter just happens to be in the retreat as well, on his behalf, inviting me to the Mass for the confirmation kids.
Also, this weekend, we were supposed to sit for our engagement photo. I had to cancel the sitting appointment.
When I was single, and an engaged friend reiterated for me the exact same story, in an attempt for a perspective and for advice, I would have dismissed it entirely. I would have thought nothing of it. Hell, if it had happened to me a few months ago, I would have thought nothing of it. I would have stressed balance and independence, and encouraged her to actively communicate her feelings to her man, but in a gentle, non-confrontational kind of way. I would have praised his wonderful desire to be with the kids at a very important time in their lives, and the fact that he was off bonding with God. Besides, I(oops- I mean, she) she doesn't even really like having her picture taken, and she finds wedding engagement announcements to be rather pretentious.
But today, for some strange reason, I don't feel balanced and independent. I don't wanna hear about active listening strategies with my mate. I want to be pissed. I want him to know I am pissed, and I wanna stay pissed for a rather lengthy amount of time. I am thinking, "Bastard. I have dirty uniforms, a hungry cat, no engagement picture, and you didn't even have the balls nor the time to call your fiance to invite her yourself, you just passed the buck along! Is Oprah right? Are you men all sharing one brain? Because it's certainly not your weekend to have it! Is this what our marriage is going to be like? Just passing the buck around like some dense buck-passers? Because if it is, you can just take this ring and..."
Splash.
You see where we're coming from, Lisa Marie and me? I am just glad I don't have a yacht.
When I first heard this story, I thought to myself, "Gee, maybe she's just a tad irrational."
Now, I am not so sure.
Don't get me wrong, I would like to think that I would never toss my oh-so-not-sixty-grand engagement ring off into the deep blue. I've grown quite fond of it, even gave it a nickname- The Princess. But, gosh dern it, I can understand now, WHY she did it.
When men and women get engaged, they change. They change pronouns- "I" and "me" become "us" and "we." Suddenly, it's almost an obligation to hang out together. You've become the two-for-one deal on Amazon.com. I was pretty sure though, that I, a somewhat strong, independent woman, would resist that temptation. The Better Half and I would be grown-ups. We would be able to maintain that delicate yet crucial balance between our lives together and our independent lives. We'd be a couple Dr. Phil would wish he'd worked on so he could make some moolah off our success story.
So why the hell am I so pissy right now? It's been about three days since I've seen him. I don't have a key to his place, so I have not been able to go and do my laundry, which includes my work uniforms, which I need for starting tomorrow. Also, I have not had any access to Chessie. I wonder if she's been fed for three days. Also, he told me he would either call or stop by, and probably wouldn't spend the entire weekend at the retreat. This morning, I got a call from one of his coworkers, whose daughter just happens to be in the retreat as well, on his behalf, inviting me to the Mass for the confirmation kids.
Also, this weekend, we were supposed to sit for our engagement photo. I had to cancel the sitting appointment.
When I was single, and an engaged friend reiterated for me the exact same story, in an attempt for a perspective and for advice, I would have dismissed it entirely. I would have thought nothing of it. Hell, if it had happened to me a few months ago, I would have thought nothing of it. I would have stressed balance and independence, and encouraged her to actively communicate her feelings to her man, but in a gentle, non-confrontational kind of way. I would have praised his wonderful desire to be with the kids at a very important time in their lives, and the fact that he was off bonding with God. Besides, I(oops- I mean, she) she doesn't even really like having her picture taken, and she finds wedding engagement announcements to be rather pretentious.
But today, for some strange reason, I don't feel balanced and independent. I don't wanna hear about active listening strategies with my mate. I want to be pissed. I want him to know I am pissed, and I wanna stay pissed for a rather lengthy amount of time. I am thinking, "Bastard. I have dirty uniforms, a hungry cat, no engagement picture, and you didn't even have the balls nor the time to call your fiance to invite her yourself, you just passed the buck along! Is Oprah right? Are you men all sharing one brain? Because it's certainly not your weekend to have it! Is this what our marriage is going to be like? Just passing the buck around like some dense buck-passers? Because if it is, you can just take this ring and..."
Splash.
You see where we're coming from, Lisa Marie and me? I am just glad I don't have a yacht.
