Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Tonight we celebrated my cousin Kristen's birthday party. She got a couple of nice things for her new house in Roanoke, where she works at a bank. We had swordfish, tuna, my uncle's special shrimp and angel hair pasta, as well as cheesecake for dessert. Afterwards, we kids climbed into the hot tub.

So far FiFisaurus Rex is coming along quite nicely, and I only had to start over again once. Luckly, I've tweaked the directions somewhat to fit my knitting style.

Also I've been continuing to contemplate my life. Really, my plans for what to do next. It's no big shocker to most readers that I wasn't really happy with my life these past few months. In letting go of the last three years, I realize how much of myself was shelved. You realize, when you evaluate your time spent with someone, how much of that time was spent stroking, petting, boosting that other person, and how much of a drain that can be. For the first time in three years, I listened to my favorite Eryka Badu CD. I've drifted back over to the middle of the bed when I sleep, instead of staying to one side. I realized how, no matter how long it has been since I've been to the beach on a family vacation, that the traditions of peanut butter sandwichs for lunch and multiple walks during the day feel the same as when they did a few years ago. And that no matter how old I am, I still feel good when my uncle Bobby calls me "Sugah" or when Papa pats me on the head and walks on the beach showing off the MCV Grandparent T-shirt I bought him, combined with the Va Tech stuff Kristen and Shannon bought him, as well as some UVA adornment from Brendan, saying that although he looks mixed up, he knows that he raised some good grandkids.

I also realize how smart I am, how much I love animals, and how much I love the water. I want to expand my creativity. I want to scuba dive, maybe train to do search and rescue diving. I want to learn how to surf. I wanna take a sewing class. Not all at once, just one thing at a time. One of my new things is to not really worry about the future, just to live in the present. When I think about all that, all these things, I realize I am going to be okay.

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