Friday, January 05, 2007

Cheerleaders Get F'ed in The A

I just heard about the power clique of mean cheerleaders in a Texas school. One of their mommies was the principal, so they got to torture other girls to the point of tears and tell-all interviews on Hannity and Combs. I say to the little girls out there, chin up, because there is tons of great revenge practical gags out there to put a mean and slutty cheerleader in her place- putting Nair in her gym locker shampoo bottle and itching powder in her lollipop panties are two favorites. But I have to say that one only look to a popular TV cartoon to exact a unique revenge. So here it is...

The Top Eleven South Park Revenge Pranks for Mean Texas Cheerleaders:

11- Killer apocalyptic shape shifting school binder (Trapper Keeper)

10- When the mother ship lands, send the aliens to their homes for Anal Probe Fest (Cartman Gets An Anal Probe)

9- When your strange Aunt Flo visits with a creepy present of poisson, send the little fish on a forensically undetectible killing spree (SpookyFish)

8- Sign them up for David Blane's Suicide Cult (Super Best Friends)

7- Get the Gayest Guy Slut in town to challenge them to a "Whore-Off" then watch with glee as he ass swallows them whole! (Stupid Spoiled Whore Playset)

6- Tell the local bumpkin police that the squad "molestered" you. Mention bad touches for bonus points. (The Wacky Molestation Adventure)

5- School band plays the Brown Noise during pep rally causing cheerleaders to shit their lollies. (World Wide Recorder Concert)

4- Weight Gain 4000 in their lattes (Weight Gain 4000)

3- Hire illegal immigrants to smear the walls of their houses with poo (My Future Self N' Me)

2- Serve them their parents ground up in a chili gone horribly wrong (Scott Tennerman Must Die)

And the number one South Park Revenge Prank for Mean Texas Cheerleaders:
1- Two Words: MR HAT!

Let's not forget other South Park Revenges such as:

Have several Iraqi men declare that they are actually Iraqi fugitives and shoot them into the center of the sun via a rocket. (Tom's Rhinoplasty)

Dig up their dead Grandmother to scare them with the body. (Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery)

Send them a Phonics Monkey. Those suckers can be brutal! (Hooked on Monkey Phonics)

Set up their next fundraiser in a Country Kitchen Buffet parking lot. Watch them get run over by old people driving. (Grey Dawn)

Get those cute Woodland Critters to sacrifice them to their savior, SATAN! (Woodland Critter Christmas)

Give temporary parental custody to Michael Jackson. (The Jeffersons)

Nominate them for The Biggest Douche In The Universe. (The Biggest Douche in the Universe)

Enroll them in the Super Adventure Club. (The Return of Chef)

Put semen in their coffee. (Simpsons Already Did It)

Get them to leave you alone by giving them "Three Fiddy". Just don't tell Chef's Dad. (The Succubus)

Two more words: The Succubus! (The Succubus)
I'm gonna show my age here...
The ultimate (film) revenge on mean girls (of any kind, but mainly nasty cheerleaders): the movie "Heathers."
Heathers is classic!
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