Jamma Party: The Life of Jenn Y.

Ash Wednesday is next week, and then, Lent is upon us.

I've always liked Lent. In the Catholic church it's a time for simplicity and reform. It's a tradition that during the 40 Days of Lent, one "gives up" some vice or guilty pleasure. Some use it to focus on becoming a better person rather than just abstaining from something. I sometimes do a bit of both. Last year I gave up alcohol and used the money I saved on beer for a donation in Fee's name to Bichon Rescue. This year I am trying to work on a really good health plan, staying away from junk food, cutting back on alcohol, living frugally, saving money and working hard getting my body more healthy. Soon the house in Brandermill will be ready for Fifi and I to move into (we're currently trying to get Community Association approval to build a fence for her), and John and I will start preparing to get married, since Phase I: Operation House will be complete, and we can move on to Phase II: Gettin' Hitched.

Also I've got some other things going on, just side stuff I'd like to develop, part of some personal growth I've been wanting to do for some time now. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail just yet, because when I do talk openly about stuff I plan to do, I often don't go very far in the endeavor, or I set myself up for disappointment prematurely. Don't worry, soon the world will know!

Tonight: WWE Royal Rumble. 30 sweaty beefy hotties slugging it out in a small cramped space. Can't wait! Whoot!

My dining room now kicks ass!

Let's start from the begining. In 2002, John bought a house. The guy he brought it from, who John's dad describes as being "kinda frou," apparently loved flowered borders, because the house is covered with 'em. Strike one.

Strike two is the fact that John's mom, while being extremely cool and will most likely go down in the Mom-In-Law hall of fame, descibes herself as having "absolutely no taste in decorating.

Strike three is that John was really po' when he bought his house, that he had to borrow furniture from Baba, his grandmother. This really isn't a strike at all, because she has some really really really beautiful old furniture, and I am an antiques buff!

The problem was, that in a taupe room with a burgundy flowered border in the middle of the wall, was the dining room table, a beautiful burnt sienna (dark orange for those who grew up without crayola crayons) wooden table with black asian style chairs, and a green rug.

Needless to say, it was a bit of an eyesore. I mean, who could comfortably digest food, having to eat in there???

So.....

I sweet-talked John into letting me "redecorate," and that included painting. John told me he hates to paint. He had to paint when he was a little kid, and it was a chore rather than a fun thing. Having grown up with a contractor/weekend handyman dad and a neat freak mom, there was a lot of painting going on, but I was never allowed to help because I would make a mess. So I'm rebelling now and can't understand why anyone hates to paint, because it's fun to make messes! So I told John I'd take care of everything. Dad let me borrow some of his brushes and painting supplies, and John took me to Home Depot, where we found beautful white paint, some rollers, and I got some burnt sienna paint that was mixed by a lovely man who was very very nice and acted like he had tons of chicks like me coming up to him daily with first-time DIY projects.

I painted over the taupe and the burgundy borders with the white, and on the bottom border, I painted a stripe of burnt sienna. It was messy, and far from perfect, but I was really really really pleased with it. I switched the green rug with the white rug in the den (the den's main colors are black and green, so the white rug really didn't belong, and the plan was to switch them when the dining room was painted). Most of the stuff gives off an Asian vibe, but we also have a couple of paintings by our dear friend Angela of elves. Also we have a statue of Schmegal/Gollum as well as John's Lord of The Rings goblet collection, so the dining room now gives off an Asian and Elvish theme. It's really a lot brighter in there now, and the sienna stripe keeps the room from being too blah, and John said he loved it, and I was very proud. Next project is the kitchen. My inspiration: Paris. The walls will be Cinderella's Ball Gown Blue, with white cabinets and the majority of my french knick knack and bichon collection and wall hangings. Also will be some of John's female action figures- Princess Leia, Betty Page, etc. And of course, we have a lifesize poster of Chewbacca that will be displayed somewhere in the kitchen as well. FiFi loves that poster.

We made it back to my place before the really nasty weather started, and now we are watching a Type O Negative DVD as brownies bake. I've gotten John's permission to find the issue of Playgirl featuring the very very yummy Peter Steele. Also, John says that if he dies, I have his permission to marry Peter Steele. I have such a great fiancee.

I originally posted a nasty post about Paris and Nicole. But now I'm less bitter. I realize that karma can be a bitch, especially to bitches. So I'm not worried.

Indiebride is so much fun. I realize that wedding talk bores a lot of people. John already has a glazed look in his eye, and he's the friggin groom, so I'm convinced the less said, the better. Indiebride is my proverbial candy store, where I am free to pontificate and yammer freely about my upcoming nups.

Product Plug: No Pudge Fat-Free brownies are bomb diggity. It's super easy (add nonfat vanilla organic yogurt, stir, pour into pan, bake at 350 for 30mins), and the brownies are really chocolatey and chewy. The mix is available at Ellwood Thompsons and in the organic baking needs section of Ukrops.

Program Plug: Tiny Toon Adventures is so funny. So is Fairly Odd Parents, and, for adults, Aqua Teen Hunger Force. My favorite ATHF character has to be Boxy Brown. In case you don't watch the show, Boxy is a brown box with an afro. He's kind of a younger, cooler version of Chef from South Park. Hilarious. Get down with the Pee Pants and watch, weekday midnights on Cartoon Network. If you're nice and John likes you, we might just let you borrow the dvds if you don't have cable.

I've become addicted to Indiebride.

I've finished the course of antibiotics and steroids, and I have found that my cough is a lot better.

BUST and Bitch both have new current issues out, and they rock.

Happy belated Birthday Andrew!

Cabin Fever? Pshaw!

We postponed painting our dining room until next weekend, since the threat of ice deterred us. Yesterday I went to Ukrops, bought milk, soy milk, chai soy milk, extra body wash, and the latest entertainment mags, which for the past week or so have been "The Brad And Jen Breakup Serials." This morning, the rain drizzled, but the roads were clear, so John and I ventured out to one of his favorite comic book shops, Stories, to ogle action figures. I picked up a bound copy of Ghost World and some Roberta Gregory comics, and I found both excellent. We also stopped by CVS to pick up brownie mix and junk food. About a half-hour after we got home, the freezing rain began to fall prominently. It's now 11:45PM and we've yet to have ventured outside. It's very nice and cozy here, and I'm looking forward to another day of lounging.

For John, better late than never:

"It's a little bit funny,
This feeling inside.
I'm not one of those who can easily hide.
Don't have much money boy, but if I did,
I'd buy a big house where we all could live (although ours will do nicely.)

If I was a sculpter, but then again, no
Or the girl who makes potions in the travelin' show.
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do,
My gift is my song, yeah, this one's for you.

And you can tell everybody that this is your song.
It may be quite simple but, now that it's done,
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,
That I put down in words,
How wonderful life is while you're in the world." -Elton John

Happy Birthday!

It turns out the nagging spastic cough that has plagued me for about a month now has morphed into the flu's big arse bastard cousin- bronchitis. But all is good, thanks to a couple of great people at the Patient First on Parham Road.

At 4:00PM I stumbled in, hoping that at the most, I'd wait about 2 hours. In fifteen minutes, I was wisked back in the back after a delightful girl named Destiny checked me in. The med tech, Robyn, took my vitals and then about 2 minutes later, a girl named Kara took me for 2 chest x-rays. After that, I was examined by the most adorable doctor ever, Dr. BlueEyes Cutiepants. Dr. Cutiepants not only was drop dead gorgeous, he had a great bedside manner to boot. He was laid back but very effiecient, diagnosed me promptly and within the next two minutes I was out the door with two prescriptions- one for an antibiotic and the other for a corticosteroid pack to help with the bronchiospasms. Awesome!

I took the first set of medication tonight, and I'm starting to feel a lot better.

Although I can't agree with Amy Thompson's really really bitchy attitude, I can now say I can see where she's coming from. So, I think I owe Amy Thompson and those like her some sympathy.

This isn't due to any emails or comments received. This is about the fact that "Real Weddings" from the Knot was the first wedding show I've watched since I got engaged to John. I've always been skeptical about the wedding industry, but today, I checked out BRIDEZILLAS on the Women's Network, and, Amy, girlfriend, we Brides have to stick together. Bridezillas aren't the enemy- the wedding industry is!

BRIDEZILLAS opens up defining a Bridezilla as a "usually calm individual who, inspired by a wedding, becomes an out-of-control freak." Oh boy, more girls like AMY!!! Bring it on.

This episode focuses on the wedding planners, who, according to the narrator, "can sometimes out-zilla the bridezillas." This follows the planning/weddings of three brides: Brooke, Amy (a different Amy), and Miho, and their wedding planners.

Brooke is marrying a man who looks older than her dad, but more power to her, because they actually look happy. I wonder what Brooke's beef is- she certainly looks docile enough. Her wedding will cost a 1/4 of a million dollars and will take place on an island. Okay, we definately have reason to hate Brooke now. But as the story goes on, Brooke becomes a figure in the background. The only thing that Brooke protested was the fact that her cake icing was not what she had chosen (the thing was orange. Damn ugly. So, no hating on Brooke just yet.) Then Brooke gets married. Brooke looks happy. Brooke's not really being interviewed at all in this piece, it's all about Kate and her vision of the wedding. Brooke's wedding. Let me say it again: Kate's vision of Brooke's wedding. Yes, Brooke is the star, but it is Kate who produces, writes and directs this production. Who's wedding is it really? Who really has the power here? And is Brooke really a Bridezilla? She didn't scream, screech, or cuss anyone out. No talons here. Whaa?

Different Amy is being assisted by her mom and her planner, whose name I can't remember. This episode they pick out table settings. The first table setting has blue settings. Different Amy sees it and cries. Different Amy's twin sister sees it and cries, and Different Amy's mom sees it and cries. Obviously a hit, right? Call off the dogs, the hunt is over? Snaps to the girls for finding something they absolutely adore? Nope. The table designer then makes Different Amy and Co. go into another room so that they can spend time setting up another table setting. The designer pronounces it as fabulous, beautiful. Obviously he likes it very much. But Different Amy still likes the blue. The table designer encourages her to look in the mirrored settings, which give the table "a special glow" But Different Amy, very politely states her preference and sticks to it. Again, no cussing nor demands, nor attitude.

(Keep in mind also that each time they cut to a commercial, a black screen comes up and a pink BRIDEZILLAS logo is "stamped onto the screen, with the accompanying sound of bars closing on a jail. Watch out Tokyo!)

Miho and John are a couple who are planning a wedding at Tavern on The Green. I like John and Miho immediately, and wonder why Miho's been deemed a Bridezilla- she certainly seems very pleasant. The first scene is Miho's wedding planner (again, I forgot the name) describing Miho to the DJ, DJ John. "She's a very nice bride. She knows what she wants and what she doesn't want, so this wedding will have a certain dynamic to it." (Okay, how is this different from any other weddding?) Then, W.P. and DJ JOhn meet with the bride and the groom. The narrator explains that, the wedding planner helps train the bride and the groom like one would train pets and kids. (No, I'm not kidding. This was actually said in a broadcast, on cable, in 2005.) So, John bounces his ideas off of the two "professionals." He'd like a small girl to come, ring a bell, and announce dinner is served. Also, he'd like to have the guests eat before he and Miho have their first dance. Cut to DJ John in another room, who pronounces that he is very offended by the idea of a dinner bell- "this is Tavern On The Green, not some chuck wagon!" Yeah, it is a bit tacky, but the wedding planners and other vendors are supposed to, according to most bridal mags "gently and tactfully guide the bride and the groom in the right direction for taste and elegance," not scoff at the suggestions. Although I do think John has a good point about the first dance thing. I certainly wouldn't want my guests drooling, blood sugars plummeting, forbidden to chow down until I had finished shimmying to "Crocodile Rock." Oh no, sayeth the wedding gurus- "you don't know the significance of the first dance!" DJ John practically snaps to Groom John. The W.P. also interjects- "the first dance makes the party. Without it, the party never starts." At this point, I expect WWE star The Rock to come out and do his trademark line "IT DOESN"T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" in the poor groom's face. Again, neither bride nor groom grows angry nor becomes inappropriate despite being scoffed at.

Okay. These are the lessons learned by moi watching Bridezillas:
1) Shows like Bridezillas and Real Weddings From The Knot, as well as most every other big bad bridal mags on the planet are looped into a group that Indiebride calls, "Wedding Porn." It's sick, slick, delectible, sinful, decadent, fantasy. Buy me! No-buy me! No- buy me, and you'll be beautiful, perfect good obedient little bride. Neglecting to buy? You're doomed! No wonder the bride often needs a good hose-down. These things are basically mind-f#-king the bride into thinking she needs everything in the mag/book/show to make her day just as perfect.There are some bitchy chicks out there, and bitchy chicks make bitchy brides. But I don't think you're a Bridezilla because you know what you want and don't want. I don't think you're a Bridezilla because you get sucked into all this crap (had me fooled). And I don't think you're a Bridezilla because you actually think orange icing is gross looking or because you give a crap if your guests are nourished rather than gawking at your dancing prowess.
2) Weddings are a business. Planners and vendors are out to bank. And unlike most businesses, they don't expect their consumers to return to their services. So that allows them to be as nasty and bitchy and manipulative as they want to be. I want to work with people I can trust, not because the Pee Pants Guide To Weddings says their tops in the field. I watched these people, and I saw it- the look of dollar signs in their eyes. Cha-ching! I will run away from that look when I see it.
3) In this episode, supposedly showcasing the worst of the worst, the most psycho hosebeasts of brides ever to walk the face of the earth, I didn't see any objectionable behavior noted by any of the brides. But it was made to feel like if you didn't just sit and giggle and look like Bride Barbie, god forbid you actually had preferences and opinions, then you were a bridezilla. And that's just wrong.

Brides, Grooms, and those who love them: look at yourselves! Swindled, bamboozled! We shouldn't be made to feel that our engagement ring diamond rocks landed on us! We will not go quietly down the aisle! We will not rely on fluffy bows or candles or mirror or those little cocktail napkins with our names printed on them to measure our happiness! We will not succumb to these bastards. We will take back our vows, our ceremonies, our receptions, and we'll do it as we damn well please! We will rise above this regime, stand together and say "I am, I think, I DO!"
Say it with me sisters and brothers!!! Testify! Can I get a witness?!

So, LJ is down due to a massive power failure. I feel like I've been cut off from my friends!

John and I have been thinking seriously about finally setting a date. We're right now thinking April of 2006, but, like Wrestlemania, please note that the card is subject to change. (It probably won't though...:D)

I realize I gush about my wedding a lot. Oh no. I've become...ONE OF THEM!!!!
I tried not to let it happen! Cynicism fading...oh no, sappiness setting in!!!


Aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhh!


I tuned into Oxygen Channel's Real Wedding From The Knot (yeah, you can guess where this is going) and watched two and 1/3 episodes before the nausea set in. The first one was a bit sappy, it was about Jen and Jeff, she cried a lot, and he was on Fear Factor, but other than that it was a pretty much cookie cutter wedding. The third episode I didn't even finish watching the opening credits, but it featured a blonde bride who gleefully squealed "Let's get wasted!" while slugging down a mimosa in the hair salon seat as she was getting her hair done. Her maid of honor expressed concern that stolen golf carts and body shots would be the highlights of the reception. She described the bride as "the craziest woman I've ever met."

The second episode featured a bride who stupidly gave out her full name. Her name is AMY THOMPSON. Again, her name was AMY THOMPSON. Remember that name when you have spam to forward. The reason why I don't like AMY THOMPSON is because she was an absolute uber-beatch bridezilla. Some of the features in the episode:
1) Storming out on the priest because he wouldn't allow the couple to read the vows they wrote vs. the actual sacrament of marriage. Seriously, you simply don't go there with the Catholic Church- it's all written out for ya. One stop shopping. No variations. AMY THOMPSON then was shown sitting outside crying stating "I've always wanted my wedding at the Catholic Church." I have a feeling AMY THOMPSON doesn't really go to church, because even Bridget, my 7 year-old cousin, knows the order of worship at a Catholic Nuptual Mass.

2) Cussing at her mother, calling her an "idiot," because the flip-flops in the guest's gift basket were supposed to have little flowers sewn on them, but since AMY THOMPSON procrastinated, they weren't. "It's MY Wedding" she screeched, "all I ask of YOU PEOPLE (her parents and bridesmaids) is to just do it MY WAY!" No one reminded AMY THOMPSON that it was she, not them, who was to blame because they were fixing things at the last minute.

3) Held up the wedding ceremony for 45 minutes because she hated her bouquet. She then called the wedding coordinator and cussed at her, because her flowers were not roses, and her mother's bouquet was not made of gardenias. I would have loved to have been at that wedding, gone up to AMY THOMPSON in the receiving line and told her "you know, everything was really nice, but those flowers, sheeesh! It basically just ruined your wedding, honestly, a pigeon coulda crapped on your dress, and it wouldn't hold a candle to those flowers!" and watched her beautifully coiffed veiled head explode.

4) When her father pointed out to her that she was running late, she screamed at him that he was unsympathetic and unsupportive, then told him she could walk down the aisle by herself.

5) Then after all that, had the audacity to ask her mother for a kiss before the walk down the aisle (she did walk with her dad).

4) Barked at her father and mother not to move during pictures until she told them to.

5) The only time she talked to her fiancee, Mark, during the show was when she was reading the wedding vows to him. The fiancee was never really interviewed, came off looking like a total puss, and prompted me to scream during the ceremony scene "Don't do it Mark! You can get out of this. Just run, run, run!"

6) Her wedding reception included an upstate NY mansion and a fireworks display.

7) Excused her bad behavior by saying "for anyone whose feelings I've hurt during this, I'm so sorry, but a bride's gotta do what a bride's gotta do."

Oh. My. God.

Okay, these shows are edited, and chances are, AMY THOMPSON is probably a really nice person who just was overzealous about her big day being perfect. Chances are, her guests would not notice most of the little snafus that took place, because no one really notices those types of things. Anyway, what concerned me was that I never once saw AMY THOMPSON really happy, or smiling. Sure, she teared up when she read her vows to poor Mark, but she was never shown interacting with him at all, never turning to him for support. In fact, he was the only one she didn't yell at. It makes me wonder if AMY THOMPSON just didn't care about him at all, the only reason she was hanging out with him was because he was attached to a ring. I seriously doubt this marriage will last, given what I've seen.

So, in light of that:

To my Beloved Groom: John, I love you more than I love my Sex and The City DVDs. And I know that planning a wedding can be stressful and frustrating. Should I act in the way AMY THOMPSON did on her wedding, you have my permission to take me by my shoulders, look deep into my eyes and bellow," Hon, don't be That Knot bride. Don't be that Knot Bride!"

To FiFi: Mommy loves you very much. Please pee on things and make me laugh when Mommy starts acting like AMY THOMPSON.

To Marian, Leslie, Kelly B., Kelly C., Bridget, Karen, Kristen and Shannon: My beautiful Honor Attendants. I love you guys so much. Please, if I act like AMY THOMPSON, you have my permission to beat me up in the parking lot after the ceremony, and/or not tell me if there's a stain on the butt of my dress right before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle.

To my parents: Mommy and Daddy, you both are the best. Slap the shite out of me if I ever act like AMY THOMPSON. Mom, any help is really appreciated. Dad, I never want to walk alone if I have the chance to walk with you. I love you both.

To AMY THOMPSON (If you're reading this): Please don't send me any hate mail, because, AMY THOMPSON, you did me a favor. You really helped me put things in perspective. I will not be worrying about flip-flops and gardenias at my wedding, because I really don't want to be like you. As I said, I'm only commenting on what I saw, and I didn't really like it. Prozac is a wonderful drug, AMY THOMPSON, you might want to consider it. If the editing was biased, which I am willing to believe that it was, you should consider suing The Knot. They made you look like a big greedy bitch. Good luck in your marriage, and be nicer to Mark than you are to your parents. Because AMY THOMPSON, unlike your parents, he can divorce you.

In the meantime, I'm stayin' away from The Knot. I like Indiebride a lot better. Instead of saying it's okay to be AMY THOMPSON, they advocate that it's okay to make fun of her. And a bride's gotta have some stress relief, nes pais??

Protect the animals- hock a loogie on Paris Hilton's head. 500 extra point if it splatters on the other one as well.

Yay

Yay

Boo!

Ahh. The fam settled down to watch TV tonight, and we came across a classic of modern cinema...National Lampoon's Animal House. Oh sure, it's about a frat of drunken baffoons, and it was made by a company that has a reputation of being quite vulgar and neanderthal-ish, but damn they do make a funny arse movie.

In actuality, I'd like to think that Animal House is not promoting the existance of frats, since in the end the enemy frat gets slaughtered, rather it is showing how misfits, attempting to interact and be accepted by the mainstream (i.e, the misfit Deltas attempting to establish themselves in the Greek system against the snooty Omegas and failing miserably) then getting justice when they are not taken in. One could argue that it is actually celebrating nonconformity, anarchy and creativity.

Or it could just be about people who drink a lot and whose ultimate goal it is to finally touch a boobie. I could be wrong. But for now, it's really funny when Kevin Bacon repeats "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Oh, this is a shocker.

Just when I thought we had come so far...

So there we were at Advanced Auto Parts, John, a nice employee named Ray, and myself trying to fix the perplexing problem of having not one, but both headlight bulbs burnt out at the same time. In order to properly replace the bulbs, one must pop the hood and unscrew a star-shaped socket with a socket wrench. This is no small task, since the parts are all in hard-to-reach places. About 20 minutes into this, a beat-up Chevy minivan parks in the space next to my car, and a rumpled thin woman with long straight red hair and a little kid hop out- he looks about 9 or 10 years old. His name is Zachary- I know this because his mother calls him at least 20 times. He immediately sees us and, captivated, strolls over, despite his mother calling, exasperated, "Zachery, come on. Leave the people alone!". He asks John and Ray, who are concentrating on removing my left headlight, what the problem was, and how they were going to fix it, in the slightly annoying little kid way. But obviously, the kid does know stuff about cars. They are nice enough to him and answer his questions the way anyone would acknowledge a slightly annoying little kid, and he too settles back, standing next to my right headlight and begins to watch the menfolk. Ray drops the socket wrench, and it clatters to the ground right near Zachary's feet. He picks it up, and I extend my hand so that I can hand it back to Ray, or at least put it in a place he can easily grab it. The kid looks at me with a look that said, "You fool," then with the wrench in his hand, walks around me, goes over to John, and hands him the wrench. At that time, Zachary's mom comes out with another clerk, and tells him, "I don't know what's wrong with this headlight. My son over there took a look at it and told me to bring it here." Considering this information, and how the woman sort of strikes me as one of those overly permissive low boundary parents, I began to suspect that Zachary was probably the little king of his castle, and this type of treatment of women was not new to him.

Okay, yeah, he's 10. And probably he sees me as an enemy because as a 10 year-old, he believes the natural 10 year-old belief that every female on the planet excluding his mother has a terminal contageous case of cooties. And John thinks I'm overreacting. But damn, don't they teach these kids anymore that, yes, GIRLS, no matter how pink or icky or cootie infested, also are able to FIX CARS??? Has this kid grown up in a sexist bubble where Dora The Explorer, Hey Arnold's Helga, and hell, even Harriet The Spy, are simply not spoken of? Plus, where are this kid's manners? If I was a 10 year old kid, and let's say I was in the lingerie section of Montgomery Ward, and a man happened to be standing there with his wife as she buys bras, and if let's say his wife dropped a bra, and it landed at my feet, and the man came over and extended his hand to take it back, I, being the polite and respectful-of-my-elders child that I was, would have handed it to him, despite the fact that it was definately not a traditionally a man's item, then turned around and ran away before I could laugh, because at age 10, bras and boobs are funny things, but that's a different story for a different time.


Sigh, I just thought we had just come so far.

By the way, we did fix my headlights.

Oh no. Say it ain't so.

Comments. Yep, I finally buckled down, and did it! I figure feedback and constructive criticism is good. However, if you post "u suck because desparate housewives and paris hilton rule beatch" I will be forced to use my mean words and make fun of you. Let's all play nice in the sandbox and no one gets hurt!

I'm not sure if it's my perspective, or if the on-call goddesses have smiled upon me numerous times, but being on-call hasn't been bad for me the last couple of times I've done it. There were two deaths and a couple of emergency visits for this weekend, plus an interview with a couple who decided to go with home health instead, but otherwise, niente. Of course, it's only 7:29 on Sunday night, and the weekend officially isn't over yet, but for the most part it has been a very pleasant experience, and more than likely will not be brutal as the last hours tick away. has allowed me to spend more time with John and Fee than I'd planned, as well as order pizza and go and get Krispy Kreme doughnuts and piddle around online, waiting for the WWE PPV to start.

John's been playing X-Men ad nauseum on the playstation, and he's trying to get me to play too, despite the fact I've not played a video game since I was 13, and that was Super Mario Bros, on the Nintendo. I'm also ashamed that I did also play Duck Hunt, and I shudder now thinking of how that game just exuded flippancy at animal cruelty. But, this is different, this game of X-Men, in that it's just gratuitous violence aimed at humans by humans.

"It's a great game, Hon. I've unlocked a couple of the female characters, and I've brought another game controller for you. It's better with two, so maybe you could play with me?"

It's really one of the sweetest things he's done, along with the time we were climbing out of the Scrambler car at Busch Gardens, and he hopped out first, then extended his hand to help me out. Sure, the feminists would scoff, but I really really liked it. The reason why it's so sweet is that Big guards his video games as well as his action toys as Indiana Jones guarded the ark in Raiders, and him to not only suggest but encourage me to put my mitts on it is a HUGE THING, more so than he asking me to marry him or to be the future mother of his children. This is so much more. John says I'll be able to beat up stinky men and score points for up to three other chick characters, so I'm willing to give it a try.

How great of a show is Taxi?

We got the first season on DVD. John's a huge Andy Kaufman fan, so this has been something we both have been waiting for. I've never really LIVED for the show (like my Kotter obsession- when the hell is that masterpiece coming out???) but I do enjoy Danny DeVito, Christopher Lloyd, Kaufman, Jeff Conaway and Judd Hirsch as actors, as well as I remember a few classic episodes, like the one where they break into "Lullaby of Broadway," so this was something I was interested in sitting and viewing as well.

The show is so ahead of its time, having episodes that deal positively and sensitively with topics like homosexuality, animal cruelty, drug use, and, one of my favorites, where Alex (Judd Hirsch) attempts to befriend and date a big and beautiful woman despite her insecurities. The characters are very multi-dimensional, and running gags aren't used often. It's a fun dichotomy and you do actually believe the characters are friends. Marilu Henner's cheerful Elaine is portrayed as a strong and confident single mother who strives for a self-defining career. Actor Bobby (Jeff Conaway) balances creativity, confidence and vulnerability about finding a job. Tony Danza (who portrays aspiring boxer Tony) and Andy Kaufman's (Latka) characters run the biggest risk of falling into a one-dimentional catagory or being the butt of the jokes (the "dumb jock" and the "foreign guy"), but not so. The writers created a sweet and caring man in Tony, and take care to portray Latka as a member of the group despite the language barrier- the others ask his advice, invite him along, and accept him when he falls short (he shows up at Elaine's fancy dinner party in dirty overalls, and when Alex explains what the dress code was, he leaves, only to show up a few minutes later in the same outfit, only sparkling white. Elaine shruggs, smiles, and nothing more is made of it). Even John (Randall Carver), the stereotypical "farm boy in the big city" character, doesn't fit into one box either- naive and curious, he meets a girl within the first few episodes, and after a one-night stand, marries her (they do stay together but a real marriage life is portrayed). He's probably the only "farm boy" in a series I've seen that doesn't encounter everything with wide-eyed amazement. Even the "villian," Danny DeVito's Louie DePalma, has his human moments, which is virtually unheard of in a first season. He mouthes off to an abusive dog owner and allows the dog to become the garage mascot, aids illegal alien Latka in avoiding an arrest and deportation, lectures a young female cabbie about the dangers of taking uppers, pretends to be Tony's lover to run off a woman who was stalking Tony, and in turn, the others assist him in pulling off a huge and hillarious ruse at his high school reunion. Even Hirsch, the straight man, is allowed to expand and get creme-pied often. A scene where he accidently takes too many amphetamines to get rid of a headache is great. The writing is original and funny. It's a mellow, fun classic show. We can't wait for the next seasons to come out, because Christopher Lloyd joins the cast. Awesome.

Um, no it's not.

VH1's Metal Mania is a great Saturday morning show, but they need to get more videos. We've already seen the Danzig "Mother 93" video twice now. It's awesome, but variety is the spice of life.

I came across this and was horrified. Then disgusted. Then concerned.

Then I took a shower, and turned on The Simpsons. And then I realized all would be okay. Why?

Because it really isn't real. This little thing called reality TV.

Let's face it. Reality really does suck. It's mundane. It's boring. It's getting up at 7AM, going to the bathroom, showering, going to work, where if you're lucky you get to do something inspirational and helpful to society. Otherwise you sit in a cube and watch a screen. Then you come home, if you imbibe you may have a beer or two, relax, and watch reality TV, because it shows you what you could be doing if you didn't have to live in reality. But reality TV is not a reflection of reality. Let's take a look:
Joe Millionaire: Not Real
The Apprentice: Not Real
Amish in The City: Definitely Not Real
The Real Gilligan's Island: Please. So not real. F-cking duh!
Simple Life: Are you kidding? Look at Paris Hilton. She's basically a sack of botox, bones and silicon with a voice box. She's not real, much less the show.
We could go on for days.

Jonathan's behavior toward Victoria is sleazy, obnoxious, definitely abusive and definitely not okay. We need to see his greasy arse get canned from the show. But we all know that reality TV is not real, so the real rules don't apply. This guy will most likely not only not get canned, but most likely will go on to win the million dollars. No one will speak up on Victoria's behalf, at least not on the show. And when the domestic violence prevention advocates do, the Amazing Race will use it's uber-evil spin doctors to direct the blame off of them.

One could argue that the show promotes domestic violence to the American Public by showing that because Jonathan does it to Victoria, and no one says anything, that shows it's okay not to act. As I said, I too was very very concerned. At first. But then I thought about the following questions and when I answered myself, it was reassuring:

Let's say you, Jane Q. Public- you're sitting in your apartment, watching the Amazing Race, and you hear sounds of arguing from the couple next door, possibly some thuds, some crashes, some sobbing or pleading. Do you mean to tell me that you would not call the police to report something suspicious and sinister because you see Jonathan yell at Victoria on television and therefore it must be okay?

Or let's say that your child comes home telling you how scary it makes him/her feel to see another kid who often comes to school with bumps or bruises. Do you mean to tell me that you would chastise your offspring by saying that there is nothing to be scared about because Jonathan on the Amazing Race shoves Victoria, it must be okay?

Or if a female coworker confides in you that her man sometimes gets a little too angry, but it's mostly because he's stressed/getting off the junk/under a lot of pressure and I just don't understand. Or how about a male coworker who confesses that his wife seems really out of control and aggressive lately? Maybe they show you the bruise marks. Do you mean to tell me that you would you simply brush off their confessions by telling them that, "Well, look at the Amazing Race. That Jonathan guy gets a little rough with his wife, but it's really nothing. If it was, they would have stepped in already So I wouldn't worry too much about you." ???

Would you?

Didn't think so.

Good for you. Pass this gift for common sense onto your offspring, and teach them at a young age that hurting/hating is not okay, and that it's okay to tattle on those who do hurt/hate. For the sake of humanity, do it. And turn off the damn tv.

But, just in case I'm totally off base here.:
Dear Victoria,
A lot of people watching have seen a disturbing pattern in the edited footage of the way Jonathan treats you on the show. Please, look honestly at the UNEDITED footage of your life. If you feel this is not okay, or not safe, please, get out, get away, get help, get a restraining order and go to those who really love you. Your fans will thank you for it. Peace be with you.
Sincerely,
Jenn and FiFi
Richmond VA

The DVD player is broken. Luckly we have a playstation DVD player as well as the D drive on my computer to keep us covered until it is fixed.

On WWE Raw tonight, the new Arab-American Heel Wrestler is engaging in a debate with the broadcast team as to whether or not Arab-Americans have been discriminated against since 9/11. This is lost on a crowd that, as John points out, chant "U-S-A, U-S-A!" when a Canadian wrestler and an English wrestler have a match. Plus, I don't feel this is a medium for logical debate, since one just called his opponent a "jacka$$," prompting the crowd to chant "A$$hole, a$$hole!" Plus, if I wanna watch a debate, I'll turn on CNN. When I want to see buff hotties flex, CNN ain't gonna cut it.

Speaking of, I was watching HBO's Real Sports, and they featured Kyle Maynard, a wrestler born with no arms and no legs, but has established himself among the collegiate wrestling world. He's got an amazing spirit and positive attitude as well as incredible athletic power.

Hey. Blockbuster is no longer charging late fees. Period. Gotta be a catch. Stay tuned.

Oh, almost forgot. In order to make it easier for me to comment on my friends' Live Journals, I signed up on LJ. That site will basically be a shortcut for LJ users to get to this blog quicker. If you don't do LJ or have no idea what the fudge I'm talkin about, just ignore this post. Smooches!

New Year's Day Movie Reviews:

On Edge: A mock-u-mentary about figure skating. If you know anything about figure skating, it's basically the bastard wintry cousin of gymnastics when it comes to teen girls, body image, eating disorders...you catch my drift? This is a comedy that parodies all of this. The kick ass thing about this movie, besides the always fabulous Marisa Jane Winkour as a plus-sized phenom (too bad it's unheard of at the elite level) and A.J. Langer (RayAnn from My So-Called Life) as a Tonya Harding rip-off is that real figure skaters had cameos in the film, and actually did a nice job acting...a little bit more so than the actual actors. I loved, loved, loved a well made-up Scott Hamilton as a whiny out-of-touch skating judge/expert. It's cute, but it's no Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Garden State: An extremely well done film about a young man who travels home for his mother's funeral. Amazing acting, well-written, and original.

Swingers: Big HATES this movie, starring the fabulously adorable Jon Favereau and the very very very hilarious Vince Vaughan as two aspiring rat packers, but I've always had a soft spot for it. I agree with Big it's a bit over the top with the whole "ring-a-ding-ding" vernacular, and it's a lot of yap, yap, yap, and it's not the most liberated point of view, but Favereau is so cute you almost don't care. If you too are a Favereau junkee hoping for more from the man other than doing a film that requires him to do the Electric Slide with Keanu Reeves (The Replacements), check out his weekly show "Dinner For Five" on the Independent Film Channel (IFC).

The Anniversary Party: I love love love both Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh, and this edgy film about a Hollywood couple celebrating their sixth anniversary of their rather dysfunctional marriage is absolutely beautifully written, wonderfully acted with supporting roles of Parker Posey, Gwyneth Paltrow, and real-life married couple Pheobe Cates and the wonderful Kevin Kline, and was co-written by Cumming and Leigh. The only thing is that I'm very used to seeing Cumming as an out-and-proud flamboyant gay icon, so it was a bit nonbelievable to see him in such a hetero role, but he is an incredible actor and does make it happen, and can pull it off for those who are less familiar with him. Rent it and show it at your next part-tay, and people will think you are smart and cool.

Sex and The City Season Six DVD, Part Two: I cried throughout this whole thing, because I knew it'd be the last time I'd have that excitement of getting a new DVD of SATC. For those of you in the void, Six is the last season of Sex. This has the last eight episodes, four with commentary by Michael Patrick King, who is fabulous. The last DVD I feel is the best out of the entire series, in that the girls really feel most real here. The last episode is poetry, perfection, and was given kudos by the feminist flagship, Ms. Magazine. Carrie would be so proud. Amazing.

Coming soon: Reviews of Whale Rider, Pieces of April, and a very special review by FiFi of My Dog Skip.